Our card this week is a subject most of us know and dread. Sorrow and loss has a way of changing us, and how we see the world around us. For some it has been such an integral part of their lives for so long, that often they feel lonely and empty when its not there.
The Five of Moritsoana helps us come to terms with endings. To understand the pain of loss, whether it is a loved one, a job or simply parts of ourselves that gets lost in the chaos of living.
We are living in violent times, many of us have lost loved ones unexpectedly. We are in shock and feel numb, mostly confused. We experience a physical reaction to the loss, we feel nausea, muscle weakness, dry mouth, our whole body trembles. We are disbelieving, feel angry sometimes even guilty because we think “I should have; I could have; why didn’t I just ….”
When we feel emotional distress physically in our bodies at times the pain is unbearable but through the pain comes insight and when we remember we are able to make adjustments with hope. No matter how dark it all seems there is always the possibility for personal growth. We need to adapt to a new normal. We need to adjust our foundation.
As long as we have memory, our departed has life. Remember all the times spent together. We should focus on these times rather than our own loss. We should celebrate their life not get stuck on the time of death or the manner of death.
We have to go on with our lives, we have to make the best of our circumstances. To live in the past is a dangerous thing, to not go on is destructive to ones life. We can retain a connection with our loved one for a period after death, and then we have to let them go, they too have other things to do. We should mourn, we should go through the process, its healthy, but to hang on to something that was – is not healthy.
By releasing the loved one you release yourself. Grief is not an event it’s a process. Allow for numbness. This serves a valuable purpose; it gives your emotions time to catch up with what your mind already knows. Grief is something to be experienced rather than to be overcome.
Grief is the normal response of sorrow, emotion and confusion that comes from losing someone or something important to you. It is a natural part of life. Grief is a typical reaction to death, divorce, job loss, a move away from family and friends, or loss of good health due to illness.
We all mourn at different rates. Some people are able to put death into life’s perspective and move on, but often the family will make them feel guilty that they have moved on, by either remarrying or selling a home – we deal with death in our own way, and we need to allow the individual their process.
Again it has to be in perspective. You had the gift of that life for a period, it was special and sacred, now the loved one has passed, you owe it to yourself and to them to rebuild your life. Never forget but move on.
Develop a support system. Find those people who encourage you to be yourself and acknowledge your feelings, both happy and sad. Embrace your spirituality. Talk with those who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment. Allow a search for meaning. Healing occurs in the opportunity to pose the questions, not necessarily in answering them.
The experience of grief is powerful. So, too, is your ability to help yourself heal. In doing the work of grieving, you are moving toward a renewed sense of meaning and purpose in your life.