PAGE of ASSEGAI (Swords) – Growth through Communication

iTongo Tarot CardCommunication – a word that is bandied about so much these days. We are told to speak our minds, we are encouraged to share our thoughts and ideas. There is so much social intercourse that at times we are overwhelmed by the messages and certainly the messengers.

We communicate our truth and expose what is hidden. Every now and then we connect, we have a meeting of the minds and we are able to develop our plans or ideas with the cooperation of others. When we communicate we are learning and also teaching. We have an opportunity to put forth what we know with logic and reason.

The most important element of communication is listening. If we don’t listen to our inner voice, to our spirit, we know the consequences – we veer off our path and have to work twice as hard to get back on track.

The universe works in mysterious ways. We ask, or ‘put it out there’ what we desire and then for some reason we expect it all to happen in an instant. We want the ‘burning bush’ experience. We want instant answers. Well the good news is that the Universe does answer immediately – but in subtle ways. If you live with focus and intent you will be rewarded. Listen to the lyrics of a song, read a headline. Take note of a phone call from someone. Every moment is filled with the possibility and the answer, we just have to be mindful of the question to recognize the answer and the help we receive.

Be warned not to get into the habit of ‘knowing it all’. Be humble in your approach and don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s always available. Share the load or the burden – talk to someone. Pray. Meditate. Listen to Spirit. Explore your spiritual beliefs and systems. Even if you don’t buy into some practices, we all need to believe that there is something greater than ourselves. Open your mind and look deeply into your faith system.

I am a great believer in lists – physically manifest what is on your mind. Write a pro’s and con’s list. Write down a scenario ‘in a perfect world’ who would you be and what would you be doing. Trying to get something off your chest regarding someone else? Then write them a letter. You don’t have to send it, but once its out you will feel so much better.

Tell someone you love them. Tell someone you are grateful for their presence in your life. Call a friend, sometimes just making that connection can change their whole world and perspective.

There are many ways we communicate – not just verbal, but eye contact, our body language and our actions. Are you sending the right message. Are you being heard and understood. Are your signals clear and focused. What is the message you send out about yourself and your state of being?

iTongo Legend

Traditional Zulu beadwork is used as a means of communication by unrelated unmarried males and females, and is colloquially referred to as “Zulu Love Letters”. Symbolism is encoded within a limited number of colours and geometric figures. Colour symbols have alternative values but the values of geometric symbols are constant.

The bead code is deceptively simple and follows one basic geometric symbol – The Triangle. The three corners of the triangle represent Father, Mother, and Child. A maximum of seven colours is used to portray a wealth of meaning and imagery.


iTongo Tarot CardThe Three of iSibane or Wands indicates that we have learnt our lessons well and we may actually be feeling that everything is going according to plan. Our hearts and minds are open and our bodies are strong. We are experiencing success and the joy of self expression. Our intentions are clear and we have a firm grip on our emotions and are ready to explore new opportunities with out fear. We are visionary!

Give yourself credit for staying the course and now you are reaping the benefits. Appreciation and respect come your way. Acknowledge all that you bring to situations. Acknowledge all that you are and hold your head up high. Share your good fortune and leadership with others. Be the first to explore the new opportunities that present.

With this newfound energy and sense of self make your position clear. Those that cant or wont accept your ideas are not worthy. Don’t waste time on them, move on. You are on a trajectory to success and you have learnt that dwelling within the hopeless never works. Growth has matured your spiritual views and you now have a more sensible approach to most matters. Considered action brings success and rewards.

Move forward with intention and control. Take a simple idea and allow it the time to gestate and develop. The three of iSibane marks the first stage of new possibilities and that you are almost at your goal. I say almost because living is a dynamic that has a way of surprising us. When we achieve what we set out to achieve we realise that there is so much more. Don’t be disheartened – more is good. We need to constantly be growing and moving forward. When we stop dreaming and imagining a better life we stop living. Everything is cyclical. We sow, we grow and we reap.

Three’s are all about fertility and growth, abundance and partnerships. This is an opportunity for a fresh start with long-term success. If you are considering business ideas, this is the perfect time to get those ideas out there. Pitch your project. Tell your boss what you are thinking. Share your insights and ideas.

You are in a position where your perspective is great. You are able to see the bigger picture and plan your way ahead with clarity. You can see the rewards on the horizon. You understand that it will take time and you are prepared to wait with confidence and commitment to see your dream and ideas come to fruition.

Invest with optimism and inspiration. Don’t plant onions and expect roses.

Be inspired by the world and people around you. Be inspired by yourself. Look back at all that you have achieved. Life is a process and when we work at it each moment, we are rewarded. Count your blessings and give gratitude that you are still here … persevering on and achieving success.

iTongo Legend

Ulibo is the First Fruits Ceremony (Umkhosi wokweshwama)

The Xhosa observe a ceremony called ukuShwama. The term ukuShwama (to proclaim) is from the same root as ukuShwamela (to preach) and is given to the proclamation made to the general public to gather at the chiefs great place (Kraal) for the inauguration of the ceremony.

Before the authorisation from the supreme chief, none may eat the ripening grain and vegetables. Notice is sent to the whole tribe that on a certain day the chief will shwama. All are expected to go to the great place and each individual must bring a portion of the first fruits of the field, pumpkins, beans, sugar cane, and grains.

Feasting on these first fruits then takes place at the chief’s kraal, after which all members of the tribe retire to their homes. On the following day, early in the morning, the women in each family throughout the tribe prepare and cook a portion of the early fruits. Meanwhile, the men assemble in the cattle kraal and the food, when ready, is taken out to them.

A small piece of the food is placed on the back of the hand of each one present. Each individual then consumes this piece, at the same time spitting out a little towards the east and a little towards the west, exclaiming as he does so, “zila ngolozayo” (abstain, when next year comes round). This is a declaration that the custom will be continued in the following year.

16 The Tower – Growth through Deconstruction

ThulamelaThe past two weeks have been about change and transformation, we have identified that which is not working for us and now this week we need to deconstruct those illusions and delusions and begin to restructure and restore our power and passion.

Its always difficult and challenging to say the least when we are faced with change. We must never forget our true value. When we allow others to take control of our lives we find ourselves in positions and situations we did not choose. Often we are less than satisfied with the results. So this week we need to take back that control, put ego aside and jump into our desired future.

This card need not be as ominous as the Death card as it too represents change. And change is certain – if we resist changing ourselves, our ways, thoughts and actions then life will bring the changes to us, without inner control the changes can be traumatic, with control they may still be dramatic but manageable.

You may feel that you are being poked at from many different directions and the energy around you is argumentative, keep control. Don’t lose your temper or remain in a state of irritation. Not everything is or should be personal, what ever you do this is not a time to panic. When we panic we lose our focus and understanding and tend to make bad judgement calls. When we carefully consider the outcome and think things through and we are not in a state of crisis then we are rewarded with the results that we want.

As much as you are ‘doing it for yourself’ remember that others are also doing it for themselves. In the situations that present, you need to ask, is this going to work for me, if not then you need to make the required adjustments and carry on with your own plan.

This is particularly true in the workplace. We don’t have much choice on how the business is run, the expectations, basic rules and regulations. However we do have the choice to co-operate, give our best to that end. If we are unhappy, then we need to make changes. Nothing thrives in negative conditions. We need to decide if the environment we are in supports our inner being, adds something to our lives, helps us to be our true selves. If not then we need to move on. We always pay the price for our decisions. So whatever comes your way this week – “Keep calm and Carry On”

The most important aspect of the Tower is that from destruction comes the opportunity to rebuild. It can be a time of awakening and is about what inspires you to create. Destruction is also a release from the bondage and all that constricts you. This is a time for truth and honesty, be prepared for that lightning bolt from out of nowhere. Be shocked out of your comfort zone. The choice is yours, to stay in the self defeating way or to reach for the transformation and inspiration that is within.

13 Death – Growth through Transformation

uKufaThrough out our lives we experience Death, in some form or another. We have little deaths that barely touch us and some of us have lost loved ones. Ultimately we will all face our own death.

When card 13 Death comes up in a reading, it does not signify physical death but rather a process of transformation and change. It indicates to us that there is something in our lives that we have to let go of in order to move forward. So the big questions this week, are; What do you need to let go of? How do you need to transform your life?

Each time we invite change and are prepared to let go and move forward we create space for new growth, for regeneration. We cannot wait for the world to decide our next step. We need to have a focus and a goal that we are working towards. Making decisions in a vacuum creates ‘iffy’ results at best, which we are never happy with.

When we have a clear desired outcome, everything we think, do and experience can be viewed in that context. We have a yard stick to measure our progress. We are able to ask “how does this help me”? and if it doesn’t then we should let it go. Most of us have an ideal that we try to live up to. Sometimes we need to make adjustments along the way. Be open to new ideas. Be inspired by the people around you. Do more! Do it better!

Moving on is not a sign of forgetting; it’s a sign of healing. We are not meant to live life in grief and regret. We are meant to face each day with its challenges with an open heart and clear mind. We need to be kinder to ourselves and forgive ourselves for our failings. Having said that we also need to be mindful of our truth. Most of the personal drama we experience is because we have made choices and decisions without thinking them through. Without feeling and with the wrong motivation and intention. When we make mistakes its wiser to learn from them than ignoring the outcome and hoping that next time it will be different. If we don’t change how we do things, how can we possibly expect different outcomes.

Within each of us is our greatest resource – Our Spirit. We have the power through our thoughts, dreams and emotions to change everything, we have the power within to transform ourselves. It all starts with YOU! If we want to see a different world around us, WE have to make a change. We need to clear out old patterns, habits and thoughts that prevent our growth. We have to live openly and honestly.

Transformation comes through healing. Heal your inner self, let go of pain, hurt, betrayal and secrets. Change how you do things. Redirect your thinking into positive possible outcomes.

You can transform your life – you just have to do it!

Ace of iSibane (Wands) Growth through Transformation

Ace of Wands from iTongo Tarot for TransformationThe more things change the more they seem to stay the same. Whether it’s our world around us that is different, or our own inner landscape. One thing we can always be guaranteed, is that change will happen whether we like it or not.

When we discover a depth to ourselves, we feel enthusiastic, have the confidence to achieve and feel sure of our success. Maintain this focus, feel the fire within and use it to go beyond your limits.

My philosophy has always been that through transformation comes healing. The roadblocks to this healing is our own courage, confidence and endurance to see it through. Sometimes change takes a while before we can tangibly see the difference. Other times change is so dramatic that the effects are experienced immediately.

For every action there is a reaction. Every thought we have has energy to create and manifest a result. We need to be sure that what we are thinking and feeling is in accord with what our hearts desire. We also need to keep a check on our actions. Are we walking our talk?

This is a good time to discover a better way of doing things. When we are inspired we have boundless creativity that we apply to a situation or desire. Harnessing that energy and being focused is what brings about the result we want.

This week the challenge is to keep going, no matter what the obstacles, push through the hard parts, integrate your ability with your thoughts and intuition and you will see the results. Challenges are just that, they help us grow and develop. We need to live with an open mind to greater possibilities, we are able to dream, so why not realise those dreams and express ourselves. When we give up or turn away, we remain stagnant and will continue to be stuck in the rut without ever truly finding our purpose and place or expanding our potential.

Stimulate the imagination and allow the natural talents to come forward. Find solutions and tackle anything life may throw at you. In its simplest form the Ace of iSibane brings a feeling of health, energy and vitality. We may feel that we are able to do anything … and that’s exactly how we should live.

17 The Star – Growth through Hope

iSilamelaWe talk about the separation of Church (Spirit) and State, this week my interpretation is different. It’s a plea and a hope that collectively we will do the right thing. That we will be conscious of the collective. South Africa goes to the Polls on Wednesday for a Watershed election. Probably the most important election since 1994. Do we vote with hope, inspiration and faith in a new and better life, or do we follow traditional voting lines.

We are a country that is hurting. Millions are worse off than they were 20 years ago. Self-esteem has been eroded and collectively we are wandering in the wilderness without insight and prospects to our destiny.

We have the power within each of us to make a difference. We have the power to let our voice be heard. That power is our vote. It is our right and our obligation to exercise that vote on 7 May.

Change doesn’t just happen. We need to make it happen and we need to make it happen for the greater good. We can no longer live with corruption, greed and dishonesty. Too many people have lost their way and lost hope. Too many people are living without dignity and the basics to sustain life.

We need to be inspired by the knowledge we have and vote for truth. We need to really think about the future we want – and not just sit back and wait for an outcome. Each one of us is responsible for the choices we make, we have the opportunity, now, to make that change.

This card is also about making a wish – what do you wish for yourself, for your family and for the generations to come?

The main focus this week is on regaining hope, being inspired, generous and at peace with what is. We are working collectively on the subconscious level and need to let our energy flow freely, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

This is the week for renewed hope, in ourselves as well as trusting in the universe, expect a breakthrough and new opportunities. The Star follows the Tower, which is about destruction and regeneration. We have had 20 years of slow degradation and destruction. Now it is the energy of the star that allows us to rebuild and heal which brings about our transformation.

We know that we have to keep changing in order to keep in harmony with the world around us. Understanding that everything changes teaches us to live in the present moment, with focus and intent. The more we are able to embrace the present moment, the more we get out of life. Hope is the understanding that no matter how bad of difficult the situation, anything is possible. We can be, create and live whatever life we want.

Vote on 7 May with clarity of what you want. Don’t waste your opportunity and spoil your paper. Each vote must count. Choose wisely and know that you have contributed to a better life for all and restore the potential to our great country.

10 Wheel of Fortune – Growth through Change

ITHUBARound and round she goes, where she lands no one knows … 10 The Wheel of fortune is our Karma card. It is about moments of opportunity and chance or Karma. Success and good fortune. We are filled with optimism and generosity of spirit. It is believed that we create our own destiny, that our past actions bring us to exactly where we need to be in the present.

This is a week of new beginnings. We are feeling creative and inspired. We feel and believe that change is coming. We know that the time is now!

In Greek mythology there are three women known Moirai also known as the fates. Clotho, Lachesis and Antropos. Clotho spins the thread of life, Lachesis measured the length of that life and Antropos cut the thread. So this week we need to spin, measure and cut.

The wheel reminds us of perpetual motion. Day follows night, summer follows spring, action follows thought. We need to be aware that every time we put something into motion we are going to bring about change. When we manage change it may be dramatic, but when we don’t manage change, change happens anyway and can often end up traumatic.

When we experience the traumatic 10 The Wheel of fortune reminds us that ‘this too shall pass’, good times or bad times everything passes and everything changes. The Buddhists teach that life is impermanent. The only things guaranteed are birth, change and death, everything else in between is a result of our thoughts and actions.

Karma is a word bandied about. We all understand that its principal is ‘cause and effect’, what we do comes back. Its about our activities and the intention that motivates. Action creates the seed in the mind, which causes the result when met with the right conditions. Sometimes we have absolute control and sometimes we just have to go with the flow and manage our responses.

The wheel may turn slowly, but it always turns. This gives us heart when we are in troubled times and inspires us when we are strong and focused. Thinking positive thoughts or say out loud affirmations will help keep you focused and clear the mind of negative thinking.

Resisting change can be bad for our health. It creates more stress than the changes. When in doubt go back to what you know. Healthy nutrition, exercise and daily meditation or yoga practice will keep you going and in fine physical shape.

Carolyn Myss points out that if we want to know what we were doing in the past, we need to look at our bodies now, if we want to know what we will be doing in the future, we need to look at our minds now. What are your thoughts? How often do you act on them? Have you been satisfied with the results?

Be accountable for your actions. Its time to own up and take responsibility, stop being a victim. Stop sabotaging yourself. Some things do just happen, there is a whole world of possibility going on around us and those close to us are making choices for themselves, which in turn affect us. Its not what happens to us, its how we deal with it – do we see it as an opportunity or do we see it as a block to our hearts desires.

We are said to create our own destiny, but without the help of others we can find the road to success a bumpy ride. As the wheel turns we experience all that is attached to that wheel. Times when we are on top of it all, sometimes feeling we are spinning out of control, other times our world is lying fallow and no matter what we try to do, we just cant seem to get out of the doldrums. Then something unexpected happens and we are being pulled in a direction (we sometimes don’t understand) but we go with the flow, recognising the opportunities that come our way and making new choices more inline with each new situation or opportunity.

Choose your path wisely, take time to consider exactly what you want – round and round she goes … knowing where its going to land is liberating.

20 The Earth – Growth through Judgement

IminyanyaOne of my favourite cards. 20 The Earth and a significant card for this week, not only have we moved into the Astrological sign of Taurus (Earth) but we are about to experience a Meteor show tomorrow night around 21:43. When the earth moves through the center of the dust trail left by a comet and we have a display. Look N-NE experts are predicting at least 18 streaks over an hour some very bright with tails. Happy hunting.

The invitation this week is to follow your destiny. Its about the evolution of your spirit. Living with good judgement brings introspection and rebirth. Now is the time for personal evaluation and transformation. Its time for that cocoon to open and reveal the butterfly within. Its time for your own metamorphosis.

In traditional tarot card 20 is called Judgement. This week is an evaluation week. It’s about wise judgement and the integration of who we are with what we are doing. In order for us to move forward without the baggage of the past we do have to sit in Judgement of ourselves, our life and decide what is working and what we need to build on discard and let go of. We can’t afford to jump to conclusions or have clouded judgement. We need to be focused and think things through with a clear mind. This could also be the week for a spiritual awakening.

Everyone needs some kinds of help, guidance and support from time to time. As much as we believe “I can do this on my own”, we all need input, sometimes a cautionary hand. Take time to honour the ancestors (Iminyanya), seek council with your Divine or ask the Angels … any form of communication with energy or power greater than yourself is available in abundance this week.

Explore new ways to connect, you will benefit you in ways you have not imagined – and nothing ventured, nothing gained. This is a time of reward for past efforts, specifically where you have tried to make amends to others, where you have asked for forgiveness and actually shown through your actions that you are sincere. You will find that forgiveness and within that your will find peace.

This is not a good time to be sitting on the fence. You need to be proactive in finding your reason for being. You need to find the clarity in all the situations in your life. Its time to take a stand for who you are, what you believe in and what you want out of your relationships and life in general. It’s time to experience the happiness that you seek.

Ever wondered about second chances? Well this is the time when you will be rewarded for your efforts. IF you have done the work, IF you are honest and true in your motivation, IF you are repentant for your actions and words, then you will find that this is the time, the moment when your transformation or metamorphosis takes place. Everyone deserves a second chance.

The visual of 20 The Earth is a snake, the Rainbow Serpent wrapped around the earth, protecting it from self destruction. Also known as Ouroborus or the tail devourer. This snake forms a continuous circle and is considered a symbol of eternity.

According to legend, the snake carried the creator in his mouth while the earth was being created. The creator feared that the earth would sink into the sea beneath the weight of the mountains. The snake coiled itself around the earth, holding firm with its tail in its mouth; this hold must never be loosened, otherwise all of creation will disintegrate.

Like the snake, it is time to shed all that is no longer useful or supportive in your life. Let go and open up to new possibilities. Transform yourself. Whatever is lying dormant in your psyche will rise this week. Be prepared for your epiphany or A-Ha moment. Be aware of what is being renewed and what is awakening.

Take the time for reflection and self evaluation. Meditation is a useful tool to bring you to the point of deeper understanding and recognition of the common themes throughout your life. Lessons learnt will help you to not make the same mistakes and how to avoid conflicting situations in the future. This is a significant stage in your journey – don’t get lost or distracted.

Transformation can heal your life. Understand and value the road you have already travelled, the end goal is in sight. Confront any unfinished business so that you move forward unencumbered by the past. What has already happened has shown you your strengths – use them. View your future with a knowing and understanding of self.

Forgive and forget. Speak openly from the heart. Allow the Ancestors to guide you and show you the way to freedom, from your memories, from past hurt and perceived failures. Its not how many times you fall, its how many times you get up.

Three of Mavhele (Coins) Growth through Unity

iTongo Tarot CardOur card this week the three of Mavhele/Coins/Earth reminds us of unity, body, mind and spirit. Past, present and future. Its about being one with all that we are. Recognising that there is an interconnection and coherence between all things. We are where we are because of our past. We make choices in the present that determine our future.

Planning and preparation brings the competence needed to meet our goals and finding harmony within and then between others. Working together as a team creates powerful results. This is a good week to focus on group actions. Whether it’s at work being an integral part of a team, on the sports field or within your family unit. Together, you can do it!

This 3 is a positive card and works well with career questions. This is the time to evaluate your position, are you happy, fulfilled, successful? What more can you do to make your career work for you? You know that your colleagues appreciate the effort you put in. You are a team player, but sometimes you feel that you need to fast track that promotion. You don’t need to stop what you are doing and start again, what you need to do now is finesse.

The same would apply to those that are seeking work. Think laterally, what skills do you have and how can you apply them to the positions being offered. Take an accountant, its not just crunching the numbers, its also about projections, futures and management.

If you need to brush up on your talents or skills, then this is the week to book that course, read more or practice. You may even be called upon to assist or work on a new project – whatever happens be prepared to shine. What you are putting into process now has long term rewards. Your efforts are recognised and there is a sense of satisfaction of ‘a job well done’.

Business opportunities or profitable ventures seem to be around in abundance this week. Grab those opportunities with both hands. Your financial affairs will blossom. Just remember that you can’t do this alone, so ask for help or help someone else. You are all working towards a common goal. Success! Bliss!

On a spiritual level we work with the Trinity, the father, the son and the holy spirit. All are distinct yet all are one – substance, essence and nature. The Triad of heaven-human-earth.

Ask yourself what is your Divine within. Are you taking care of your body? Eating healthy, exercising? How are you stimulating your mind? Learning growing, being curious? How are you taking care of spirit? Prayer, meditation? We have to treat each of the aspects of self as a whole. No point working out and developing physical muscles, we have to work our brain and our soul. It all fits together, as a team, in unity. One without the other and you could find yourself going around in circles – the objective is to keep moving forward. The three principles of growth are 1. The initiation (of thought/inspiration) 2. The Germination/Gestation (the process of development and growth) and 3. The fruitfulness (the result, the prize, the achievement) its about imagination meeting opportunity to create a result.

Thinking about getting married or renewing vows? This is a good week to focus on your personal relationships. Pop the question, your loved one is likely to say yes. Three is also the energy of the ‘creative’ and one surprise could be pregnancy. Just experience the joy of being alive and the people in your life. This is a period of increase and expansion, don’t hold yourself back, go for the brass ring. In fact go for GOLD!

Create or attend celebrations and gatherings. Accept every invitation. Nothing happening … then make something happen. Invite friends over, share your bounty. Take cake to the office. Have fun, share the goodwill and excel.

iTongo Legend

Marriages are only concluded between members of different clans that are between individuals who do not have the same clan name. However, a man may marry a woman from the same family as his paternal grandmother.

The prospective bride is kept secluded for two weeks before the wedding in a specially made structure in her parents’ house, to shield her from men’s eyes. When she emerges from her seclusion, she is wrapped in a blanket and covered by an umbrella that is held for her by a younger girl who also attends to her other needs.

Ndebele women traditionally adorn themselves with a variety of ornaments, each symbolising their status in society.

On her wedding day, the bride is given a marriage blanket (nguba), which she will adorn with beadwork to record significant events throughout her lifetime. After marriage, a wife’s dress becomes increasingly elaborate and spectacular, and she covers her head out of respect for her husband. The head coverings range from simple beaded bands to elaborate headdresses (amacubi).

After the wedding, the couple live in the area belonging to the husband’s clan. Women retain the clan name of their fathers but children born of the marriage take their father’s clan name.

To mark the birth of the first child, a married woman may wear a five-fingered apron (an ijogolo).

5 of Moritsoana (Cups) Growth through Loss

iTongo Tarot CardOur card this week is a subject most of us know and dread. Sorrow and loss has a way of changing us, and how we see the world around us. For some it has been such an integral part of their lives for so long, that often they feel lonely and empty when its not there.

The Five of Moritsoana helps us come to terms with endings. To understand the pain of loss, whether it is a loved one, a job or simply parts of ourselves that gets lost in the chaos of living.

We are living in violent times, many of us have lost loved ones unexpectedly. We are in shock and feel numb, mostly confused. We experience a physical reaction to the loss, we feel nausea, muscle weakness, dry mouth, our whole body trembles. We are disbelieving, feel angry sometimes even guilty because we think “I should have; I could have; why didn’t I just ….”

When we feel emotional distress physically in our bodies at times the pain is unbearable but through the pain comes insight and when we remember we are able to make adjustments with hope. No matter how dark it all seems there is always the possibility for personal growth. We need to adapt to a new normal. We need to adjust our foundation.

As long as we have memory, our departed has life. Remember all the times spent together. We should focus on these times rather than our own loss. We should celebrate their life not get stuck on the time of death or the manner of death.

We have to go on with our lives, we have to make the best of our circumstances. To live in the past is a dangerous thing, to not go on is destructive to ones life. We can retain a connection with our loved one for a period after death, and then we have to let them go, they too have other things to do. We should mourn, we should go through the process, its healthy, but to hang on to something that was – is not healthy.

By releasing the loved one you release yourself. Grief is not an event it’s a process. Allow for numbness. This serves a valuable purpose; it gives your emotions time to catch up with what your mind already knows. Grief is something to be experienced rather than to be overcome.

Grief is the normal response of sorrow, emotion and confusion that comes from losing someone or something important to you. It is a natural part of life. Grief is a typical reaction to death, divorce, job loss, a move away from family and friends, or loss of good health due to illness.

We all mourn at different rates. Some people are able to put death into life’s perspective and move on, but often the family will make them feel guilty that they have moved on, by either remarrying or selling a home – we deal with death in our own way, and we need to allow the individual their process.

Again it has to be in perspective. You had the gift of that life for a period, it was special and sacred, now the loved one has passed, you owe it to yourself and to them to rebuild your life. Never forget but move on.

Develop a support system. Find those people who encourage you to be yourself and acknowledge your feelings, both happy and sad. Embrace your spirituality. Talk with those who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment. Allow a search for meaning. Healing occurs in the opportunity to pose the questions, not necessarily in answering them.

The experience of grief is powerful. So, too, is your ability to help yourself heal. In doing the work of grieving, you are moving toward a renewed sense of meaning and purpose in your life.